Within Crepusculum

The days pass, one by one, by one by one—

Frank — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:26:17 +0000

Each day passes more quickly than I would like. I wish for the passage of night to be short, but by early morning, before dawn is even awakening, I toss and turn and feel that one more moment or hour in bed will be too much for me. With each day I worry that I may be returning to old habits and old habits brought me into the depths of sleep deprivation. So far I still am affected by the accumulation of little sleep, particularly when I get up early……..then I am most aware of how tired I can be.

Yesterday at dusk or during the crepuscular day, while working in my garden, I wished that the dusk could last longer, but once the greyness sets in, the black surrounds us very quickly in Florida. I also wished that the dawn of morning could also come earlier so the length of that new day light could last longer. Within a moment I realized, probably because of the heat of the day, that I wanted to work within the grey parts of the day when everything begins to calm and feel more comfortable. Juxtaposed to my life the real twilights and dawns, the times that signal the most significant changes in my day may be a lesson for me in life.

Rather than wondering and worrying about the days of Crepusculum, maybe I need to just start enjoying this time of my life like I enjoy the twilight and the dawn. Maybe, being within my Crepusculum can become as calming to me as the real world’s crepuscular times.

So, instead of worrying about my lack of sleep, my aches and pains, or always hoping for those particular times of the day, and sto;p always wishing the reality of my life to change, maybe I should take my Mother’s advice and stop evaluating today or yesterday and look toward tomorrow and smile as I anticipate just how wonderful it can be.

Posted in acceptence, Change, crepuscular Tagged: dawn, twilight

Age, a state of mind or body??

Frank — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:21:08 +0000

Sitting on my patio, looking out over the pool and all the wonderful, Florida vegetation in my half acre of garden, I am prompted to ask what my aging is all about. Is it in my head, or is there something definitely happening physically to me. I thnk for some it just is a state of mind they get into, whereas, I have never thought about my age and even now have to tell myself that I am sixty-two. Then I must remind myself that I am and make a couple physical comparisons to make me remember how old I am.

Twenty years ago I would not have sat in this chair with a pinched nerve, overweight and have my thumbs tingle as I type. Yep, there are changes I can’t deny in my body. I can take care of most of what is wrong with me if I lose weight. So, since I hate exercise and will not go to a gym, but love gardening I do the work here in the garden. I have grown to particular about how the tree or bush is planted to have someone else do it for me. What I get in return for doing this is a beautiful garden, done the way I want it, a feeling of tiredness in the bones and especially a pain in my back for shoveling and moving wheel barrow after wheel barrow full of topsoil and then mulch.

I also ask if it is worth the aggravation of pain and exhaustion, when I could hire a gardener. My neighbor thinks we must be too poor to hire one and then questions why we live where we do. Well, it is worth the pain and the exhaustion because as I sit here looking out over what I did this past week I can nod and know it looks good, it looks the way I want it too and tomorrow it still looks good because of the way I did it.

I wonder why I think this way and I know it is because I do not dwell on age, nor hold onto specific actions that may give me a few aches and pains. It is all part of life. Just because I have a pain in my back doesn’t mean to stop and say: “To much doing for a person your age.” Particularly I will not say that when I smile and see I have lost seven pounds. Tomorrow will continue on just as today and yesterday.

Probably there will be a day when I have to face the facts and know it isn’t safe to continue on my course I set for myself and agree it is time to sit in a chair, but I will tell you that day is a long way from now. In the interim, I cannot deny that I may be very close to the doors of my Crepusculum, but being within Crepusculum does not mean you stop, hang up your towel and sit in the rocking chair. Crepusculum is and must be a time of thinking, of planning, of enjoying, of doing and always a time of self fulfillment. It is a time of my life that I don’t mind if I enter.

If aging is anything for me it is a state of the body, but with diligence and determination it can be controlled for a very long time.

Posted in aging, attitude, thoughts Tagged: growing old

A Lesson Gained within My Time

Frank — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 10:00:52 +0000

To know what life is all about and
accept that all things may not be good paves
the day when turmoil begins to disappear.

To know that what you do is for you,
is better than imprudent attempts to do for others,
who rarely understand the fire of intent.

To look toward tomorrow and its sunrise
brings a return of goodness to the soul
and when it comes then you can smile.

To hold what you feel is dearest to you,
to keep the memories locked in your heart each day,
keeps them safe from the will of others.

To speak the truth of what and who you are,
of recognizing and accepting your ups and down
will make the person you strive to be the person that you are.

To cry a tear, to laugh out loud, to be quiet as you wish
are choices within your being and not within the realm
of others to change you as they wish.

To grasp the sunshine as you can and
splash your feet within the puddle from the rain
is on the day you can say “I am fine and I will not change!”

Posted in acceptence Tagged: me

To Remember for All of my Days–

Frank — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 09:29:16 +0000

Please press the audio button for “Time to Say Goodbye”,

Sarah Brightman and Angelo Bocelli

Within a few short days, the fifteenth of November will arrive, the day that Momma left. I miss her today even more than a year ago. The days since she left have never been the same because there is always an emptiness in me, something that was never felt before. Momma was my anchor, a guide that stabilized me since I was born. Now, I flounder occasionally and when I do I look up to the place way above, to “Al di La”, where Momma looks down. It is a place way up over the clouds, where Momma goes to when she knows her spirit needs to tend my life. Soon I feel her little hand touching my shoulder and it brings me the comfort she alone can bring.

Her favorite songs are still able to evoke raw grief, sweet memories and heartfelt love for her. Tears will brim in my eyes and trickle down my cheeks whenever I play “You are my Sunshine” and when Sarah Brightman sings, “It is time to Say Good-Bye”. I know everyone wants me to say “good bye” but I never will.

Momma will always live poignantly alive in my heart. To think that a soothing balm may help me is ridiculous in reality. Momma is as special to me as she was during each day I shared with her in my life. She guided, loved without question and was always there. On particular times I know she still is there and that nothing has changed. When I drive, Momma is there in the front seat as always and I hold her little hand. Recently, on the drive to Florida, there were two times that if she hadn’t been there I would have fallen asleep, yet her spirit was so strong it guided me through that desperate period. And at night, when sleep doesn’t come, or being upset becomes overwhelming, I realize a warm and gentle calmness begins to surround me and I fall a sleep.

My little one remains with me regardless of what skeptics may say. Grief doesn’t stop, not when the love during a life was so strong, regardless of what the relationship is. Grief comes and goes at its will and one never knows when something will trigger it to return stronger than ever. In grief, can come the most wonderful moments in your life. Momma continues to fulfill my request to her that she always remain “My Sunshine, for all of my days!”

Posted in grief, parent, thoughts Tagged: death

During each of these days–

Frank — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 02:07:02 +0000

Continually I am asked by the ones that are closest to me, “Are you fine?” “What is the matter?” “No I don’t think that is the reason, so what is it?” If I try to answer the first two questions, most likely I receive the third question in response to my answer.

This brings me to a point in my life where I ask a question, “Why is it when I say what is the problem, I am told that my reason is justified and that I don’t understand the situation. The situation is mine I think and after all this time of living I should hope that I know what my situation is. But, there is a difference. When I was young I would never think of telling someone what was bothering me. Now I do and I think that is the basic problem. I was an expert at covering up what I was feeling. Well, how could I tell them when my self esteem was even lower than it is now. Back then I felt I could never be truthful because I felt that the truth would hurt me more than them.

Now, it feels more important to me to tell the truth. Yes I suppose I could sugar-coat it a little, but then usually these same people don’t sugar coat much for me. One is M. who is so troubled with the way that I am, particularly in my reaction to acquaintances and friends, as well as himself. Well, as two examples of his worry, one friend has used up all the care and help that I have for her. I have helped and helped and been there, and been there for her and what have I gotten in return is a plea for more help. I just don’t have more to give since now I feel I must take care of me and so I stay away as quietly and politely as I can. Another is a new acquaintance, who I thought might become a good friend. When I realized that the “the sale–the job–the inevitable bit of money made” was more important than understanding what I wanted and dealing with it. Yes I was the client, but it didn’t seem to matter much. I was quickly told that I should understand that what I wanted to happen, (I had full rights to ask for what I wanted) went against the grain of the acquaintance. I understood in a moment that the commission in the sale was the most important. Well, as I am known to do, the axe fell on this supposed relationship and now I am questioned why I made the decision I did.

I often think that this is the most appropriate time in my life to say what I am, what I want and how I see it. If I don’t act now on my beliefs what am I going to do during that long journey with in my Crepusculum. I can just imagine how my care can take quick turns that I don’t believe in. That fact is catalyst enough for me to know I must grab a hold of my own life and start letting everyone know my wishes. I just can’t sit in the quiet “corner” any longer. This is all different to me as it is to the others who question me, but I believe this current life turmoil and questioning must be during my transition from quiet toad sitting on the side of life, to a new, determination that makes people say, “Guess I can’t run over him any longer!” Its not easy to change. If you are like me then agree to take a chance to stake out your independence. Grab a hold of your wishes and sell them boldly to all you meet. That little change will make you begin to see that it is possible to journey through Crepusculum with a modicum of respect and enjoyment.

Posted in acceptence, Change, crepuscular, My Renaissance Tagged: evaluation, health, information, thoughts, worth

Through the Gray There Will Be!!

Frank — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 03:59:18 +0000

This post is warmly dedicated to

Shadowlands and Tauna

to each I send much love………

In my own way I am very determined to make my new path so that when I step within my Crepusculum, I will be able to breathe a sigh and say, “You made It–You made it Your Way!!!” And when I say that. I want to be able to jump, to wave, to sing, to laugh joyously, to know that at that moment I am happy and that I will continue to make my days happy. Nor will I feel sad that I have entered that era of my life. It should and will be a time to rejoice that I am that mature, that I have worked to be happy and that I am ready for what tomorrow brings me.

In this world of gray that I live, the one that will continue to jettison me to my renaissance, is a world that I have to remember there will only be a few people close to me that say “Its good, you will make it, you follow your heart and do it your way!” That’s the key of the gray because so many good-willed people forget that each of us, no matter how much we are nudged, can only do it ourselves. The gray in life isn’t just the overcast sky caused by a dense cloud cover, it is much closer, it is the part of me that is overwhelmed, filled with thoughts and emotions and so thick that it is impossible to sort, sift or dispense with easily. Then that gray begins to grow even more thickly simply because there is a lack of seratonin in me. So many things causes the gray. Each human’s gray is filled with different reasons, although some can be similar. My gray, for instance, is filled with ongoing grief, guilt, ambivalence in relationships, some friendships and not being industrious to set a groundwork for a personal legacy.

Months have passed and the majority around me urge me to just get on with it. Its time you pulled yourself out from where you are, the time has been too long, they say. Then there are others who wish never to acknowledge that there ever was something that allowed me to slide, slide pitifully into the densest of grays. Its quite an experience if you have never been there. You don’t think to well, you don’t care to write, thank god because the words just aren’t in the head. Most days and hours you are not attentive. You don’t care about anything even yourself. Then sleeplessness walks in, non-stop eating makes itself at home in your head and further withdrawal from sharing continues until it is nearly extinguished. Yet for me, there remained two remarkable people who never expected more from me than what I was for any particular day. Never did they coax me to change, yet their contact with me was always supportive in a wonderfully quiet way. These two rare people know me the best of anyone because I tell them everything and they listen and let me know they are always there.

Well, now there is a little break in that gray that wraps around me. Yes I decided that I needed to begin living, but that does not mean that I give up and accept all the reasons for the gray. I think perhaps what is unique that this little beginning of Renaissance in life allows me to continue to sift and sort, heal and pamper all the emotions in the gray. In fact, it gives me new tools to see and to evaluate and to come to terms with myself. My two special people have unknowingly given me more help than anyone. It is destiny I believe that brought each of us together. One is like a sister to me who knows me so well and can tell when something is wrong, who has gone through more grief and pain than anyone should have to bear and yet has always given me continual support and prayer. The other person, simply put has become my Sage, with enough wisdom to set confusing matters straight in a quiet way, yet also is plagued by many physical problems. I think that is why they both are so special and their words are taken so easily to heart. Each has their own pain in living but each have always been willing to give support by sharing their own adversity.

And, during this whole time of nothing, of pushing gray to one side only to find it coming back again, I continually thought what my Mother believed in so strongly and that was of Tomorrow. Now I do think of tomorrow and also have noticed that when I see someone not smiling or not being pleasant I often tell them that smiling makes a big difference in life, smiling is like a ray of golden sun and if you share that ray of sun with others you will find you receive much warmth and understanding in return.

As I write I smile because during all this gray I have begun to grow from within. There is much more compassion, much more logic than before and possibly if I look hard enough I will see that wisdom has rested with the walls of my heart. Yes, there still is so much more that I need to do, to work on. But only in the last few days has this begun to happen. I know there will be more that I will be able to understand and a fresh willingness to want to explore life. It will all come in good time and only when I am ready. But for now I am pleased that I have my little beginning to a Renaissance at it will lead me to the next stage where I can grow just a little more.

To those who are uncomfortable with me and my gray I promise to be more cautious with whom I share my life. Some people just can’t handle my past and current emotional state. That’s fine with me–because I do believe that through the gray there will be life.

Posted in My Renaissance, Thank You, thoughts Tagged: friendship, growing old, happiness, information, life, memories, paths, questions

To You, My Reader, Thank You

Frank — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:52:49 +0000

After writing a post for the first time in a few months, I returned today to begin a new one. I noticed I had an incredible amount of comments and decided I must attend to them. Before I stopped writing, occasionally I got a comment from Poland or Russia. There weren’t too many, but it made me happy someone from far away had take the time to read and to leave a word to me.

Today I realized that nearly forty comments were from a contingent in Russia. I translated many of their responses to find many comments ranging from simple thank yous, slight differences of opinions and on to other responses to particular posts.

I want to take a moment now to thank them for visiting. As with all my readers I cherish your comments, I have acquired some very close friendships from my readers. And now for those readers so far away from me you need to know just how much I appreciate your visits.

Soon I will have a translator on my blog. I think it will make it easier for anyone who speaks a foreign language.

THANK YOU AGAIN READERS FROM EVERYWHERE!!

COME BACK AND TELL ME MORE!!

Posted in Thank You Tagged: readers

Today and then the Tomorrow

Frank — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 12:53:56 +0000

It has been many months since I have come to share my thoughts with my readers. I doubt that many of you are left, but possibly you will see this post and wonder, “Is it true–did he write!” Yes, it is time to write, it is time to use Crepusculum once more to help me sort out my thoughts, particularly those centered upon this state of life that I am in. No I did not make a mistake, I believe I am with in a very strange state where my life is experiencing not all things that are good.

The thing that makes me edgy is change. I don’t like it, yet how do you stop tripping on all the stumbling blocks along your life voyage. The little differences that affect me are the ones that plague my mind, yet humorously the changes that I have made happen to me are wonderful for me, but often not as fun for M. as he watches me becoming a less readable person.

It came to me one day–I stopped dead in my tracks and said, “Are you going to continue this way and die this way?” Next I asked, “If you don’t, then start loosening the mental restrictions you have always endured.” I did and it was like I took off a girdle. Suddenly my lifelong inhibitions started to crumble. At first, when I did a few things I had never done before, I stopped to take heed and lectured my self on being so indefinite. I thought, people aren’t supposed to be so dissolute. Pick yourself up and stop the nonsense.

Well, it wasn’t so easy. Those tiny little crumbs, the newness of unbridled life was so monumental that there was no stopping me. I had broken the shackles and I felt I had just a small chance to taste life in a wonderful new way. I knew I needed to because if I was expected to become Within Crepusculum one day, then my time before the entry into my dusk needed to be brilliantly, humorously, tastefully, possibly wantonly paved with exciting memories of now. If the twilight was only to be heralded with boredom then I was on my way to an eternally, troubled existence that would lead me to my last, darkest hours.

Then of course, this renaissance or even possible birth of independence, seems triggered by old haunts that I have had for years that are coupled with my continued grief and nonacceptance of my management of family and death during those pungent days of last November. Time will only tell if the closure that must come one day will rid me of my mind of blame and permanently open the the door of my Renaissance.

Posted in Human Twilight

Crepuscular Shopping!

Frank — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 13:48:58 +0000

It has been a dry period for me, where I can write about something prolific. My mind might think of something, but rarely could I call it stuff that is special!! Writing about the human twilight and beyond can become a little boring unless you do a lot of research or are incredibly creative.

Today I am not creative. When the mail arrived I complacently looked through the envelopes and there it was, a little teeny golden egg, that maybe if I played my cards right I could write and enlarge upon the idea. What was even more surprising is that it fits right into anyone’s journey toward their twilight. Just think, most of you aren’t even ready to think about this time of your life, but when you are, you probably could come back here to reread the post, unless of course, wordpress or myself have moved on!!

M, who is older than I, (thankfully) received a catalog entitled “Independent Living Aids–Vision Products for you Active Independent Life”. I smiled and remembered the other magazines we receive at home that address the older years and the aids one can order. Some of those catalogs are, “Dr. Leonard’s” and “Amerimark”. A search of the internet found some others that I could store them away to use in my older years. I should be fair and say that many of these magazines offer many items that are actually very good for seniors and even younger ages, so it doesn’t hurt to thumb through the pages. Once you do, you can quickly evaluate just how good the magazine is!! One thing, though, you should not judge the magazine as bad just because it provides all sorts of nifty, marital aids!! Although, when my Mother asked what the items were used for I always told her to ask my sister. She did.

There are all sorts of products available. Here is a partial list of product categories that three of the catalogs offer:

From Independent Living Aids:

The following are only some of their products that are a special for the month. If you have a hard time seeing or hearing then this site will give you a plethora of items to choose from so that you can see and hear better. There are all sorts of lights, magnifying glasses, etc. to help you do things. I must remember to keep this address. I need a good light!!!

2.5″ Large Red Numbers Desk or Wall Clock

Sits on a desk or push the panel forward and it can be mounted on a wall. All operating buttons are large and visible.

Item Number: 835923 In Stock

Price: $16.95

4 Alarm Talking Watch and Date (Round)

4 Alarm Talking Watch and Date (Round).

Item Number: 756474 In Stock

Price: $19.95

-Beeping Foam Ball

These safe-to-use foam balls are easy to find by following their high-pitched beeping.

Item Number: 108421 In Stock

Price: $39.95

E Z Fill Liquid Alarm

A bright red, small (2 1/4″ x 1 1/4″ x 3/4″) gadget that buzzes to indicate that a liquid has reached about 1″ from the top of the container.

Item Number: 765450 In Stock

Price: $12.95

Giant Button Affordable Speaker Phone with Flashing Ringer

In addition to 10 two-touch speed dialing, 3 programmable one-touch speed dials, hold button, last number re-dial, it is a two-way speaker phone with volume control. Measures 8 1/2″ x 5 3/4″ and has 1″ x 1 1/4″ buttons with large bold numbers.

Item Number: 186254 In Stock

Price: $19.95

LCD Magnifier & Filter

High quality fresnel lenses that increase the character size over two times.

Item Number: 454502DS

Price: $94.95

Large Print Bingo Cards (10 pack)

The numbers on these large (6.75 x 7 inch) heavy-duty bingo cards are .62 inches high.

Item Number: 118743 In Stock

Price: $11.95

NoteTeller 2 – Talking Money Identifier

The Note Teller is a compact (6 inch by 3 inch by 1 inch), lightweight (8 ounce) portable talking money identifier that will verbally announce the denomination of ALL bills from a one dollar bill to a one hundred dollar bill, including all “new” 5’s, 10’s, 20’s, 50’s and 100’s.

Item Number: 541600 In Stock

Price: $295.00

From ElderDepot:

ElderDepot is a very traditional internet store to buy ids for elderly. They carry all the safety bars for the bathroom, tub bars, toilet risers, etc. If you need those things then this is the site for you!

From Amerimark:

Gifts Accessories Cosmetics/Fragrances Health Related Housewares Intimate Apparel Jewelry Ladies Apparel Shoes As Seen on TV Web Specials Preview Specials Clearance Outlet

Amerimark carries different kinds of catalogs. The department above are really separated into the different catalogs you can receive at home. They have a lot of apparel, jewelry and things for women. Some of the clothes are stylish, while others you wonder who would wear the clothes. But, if you are on a budget, older and can’t get around it is a place you can consider.

From Dr. Leonard’s:

Exercise & 4Nutrition

Housewares

Hobbies & Leisure

Personal Care

Foot Care Sexual Health Products Home Health Products Incontinence Products

Blood Pressure Monitors Breathing Helpers Arthritis & Pain Relief Magnetic Health

Products Diabetic Care Vision Aids Hearing Aids

Dr. Leonards carries a little something for everyone. I have even ordered moccassins from them when their sale or shipping was less than Carol Wright’s. There were some products my Mother used, including some of the least expensive and good support hose you can find in the market place. They also have a selection of clothing that changes by the month, but I would not call it haute couture, maybe basic to sub-basic.

Here are some highlights from Dr. Leonards and ElderDepot.

Dr. Leonards:

Dr. Leonard’s has some things for all ages! The image below are ICE TREADS that you can put on any pair of shoes you have and then you can easily walkon top of the winter ice!!

Now after you scoop the snow you might like to try:

Dr. Frank’s Joint & Muscle Pain Relief

It helps stop pain from Arthritus, Fibromyalgia, Carpal Tunnel, Sprains, Tennis elbow, Joint Stiffness, Muscle Strains and Sport Injuries all for $15.99

ElderDepot.com

Flexible Utensil Set w/ EZ-Grip Handles

Complete dining set includes stainless steel rocker knife, spoon and fork that can be angled up 90 degrees, and large, non-slip handles for easy gripping.

$29.99

Now this is something you might want now if your pills are a little too big!

Ultra Fine Cut n’ Crush

You’ll love the convenience of this compact pill cutter and crusher.

Very resonable at (?) $9.75

b

From Amerimark:

Reventin™ Intensive Serum for Wrinkles

Powerful Formula for Deep Wrinkles

Deeper wrinkles, creases and folds need special attention that the average skin cream doesn’t provide. Reventin™ Intensive Serum for Deep Wrinkles is an advanced anti-aging formula that absorbs deeply into skin for serious results. Enriched with collagen, cucumber extract and glucosamine — Reventin™ does more than just firm and tone, it helps erase wrinkles for a softer, more youthful appearance. 2 fl. $12.95b

Modern Kama Sutra 3-DVD/CD Set

Make Your Sex Life Sizzle!
Discover the teachings of the ancient Kama Sutra with this erotic and informative 3-DVD set. Pleasuring Her First focuses on passionate kissing, manual lovemaking and oral sex techniques.Sexual Positions for Great Sex demonstrates an amazing array of positions designed to bring out the passion.Sensual Secrets to Amazing Sexshows how to open your senses and heighten intimacy in your lovemaking. Approx. running time 110-120 minutes (each). Set includes 3 DVDs plus 3 FREE CDs of sensual music. Contains nudity. And it is only:$29.99

Just possibly this post has drawn a smile across you face and also has given you some insight for what is available in those little magazines that arrive in your post that you have thrown away. It doesn’t hurt to stash a copy somewhere for future reference!! Or maybe you are thinking it wouldn’t hurt to order some ice treads to use for the rest of the winter.

Happy shopping!!!

Posted in Human Twilight, over fifty, shopping Tagged: care products

Is it a question of attitude?

Frank — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 14:36:17 +0000

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think, say, or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% of events that happens to me and 90% of how I react to those times! Therefore, it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes. Charles W. Swindoll

When I first read this quote, I passed right on by it. A few days later, I came upon it again, reread it, and finally realized what I should have seen before!

I stopped to think about my attitude and how my outlook for the day is formed and if it ever changes during the day, what either format means and if there was anything I should do about making sure I carried with me the best possible reaction to the events in my life.

Usually, I awaken in the morning very early. This is a hold over from when my Mother was alive, but now I treasure that time because it is my time to think, write or do whatever I like on the computer. It is a time that is always in the darkened room. It is always quiet and affords me the ability to write in privacy! While I am at the computer I have a small cup of coffee and if it is one of the days that sleep has eluded me then the coffee does no good, I still feel like sleeping, I nod often and soon realize the best thing to do is go lay down!

When I first awaken and during this private time, I am one of those that do not wake up to well. Two hours can pass and I will still be in a cloudy state. Yes, I can write and develop what I am writing, but if I need to really think, or function, I am not too good at it at this hour. I have always been like this in the morning, quiet and possibly, you would think I was in a dreamland, which I may be. Regardless, I feel I am innocent in premeditated actions because I just could not plan a thing until much later. When I worked, I always responded the same way when I got up. So often, then, I repeatedly told myself everything would be fine once I got in the car, because I knew I needed to face the day as soon as possible. After arriving at work I still needed my time…everyone knew that and usually, unless a crisis set in, everyone respected that time.

At home, during my state of reverie I may go about straightening things up a little. I may move a comb, a knife or a sheet of paper, all in grand innocence, yet those are the things that annoy M the most. If I do move them, I am chastised and there fore, at that moment, my Attitude is negatively forned for the day. Possibly, the phone may ring and the caller may also perturb me or even the cat can bring me from cloudy maze to arched eyebrow disdain. These ill-received words received may cause my attitude to be less than stellar for hours. I can, unintentionally, brood during that time.

When I finally read Swindoll’s quote I sheepishly thought, yes I do have a choice. I can allow a sarcastic question/statement to send me lurking about in dark moments or I can tell my self that it is not worth having them affect my attitude for the whole day. I think he makes sence wben he writes that events happen to you each day but they only comprise a small percentage of your life, as compared to how we react which can be a much higher percentage of getting it wrong. So if life (my happiness and good will) is 90% of how I react to the events in my life then I had better start making respond positively, rather then letting my attitude travel south into a not so happy place.

Posted in acceptence, attitude, Human Twilight Tagged: evaluation, happiness, worth